Ordering a beer — according to The Undutchables

DutchAmsterdam.nl — The Undutchables is a highly popular caricature of — and guide to — the Dutch.

Aside from over-the-top observations, the book (considered essential reading by Holland’s large expat community) includes useful information generally not found in tourist guides.

Cafe 't Smalle, Amsterdam

Consider the following insight into ordering beer:

Dutch beer (bier, pils) is sweet, tasty and strong.  Ordering a beer can be confusing for foreigners who attempt to do so for the first time in Dutch.

No matter how you refer to a “beer” in Dutch, the bartender will respond by using a different term.  Here, the obsession with dimunitives comes into play:

Mag ik een biertje? (May I have a beer?) Een biertje? (A beer? Lit. “a little beer,” doesn’t refer to size)

Mag ik een pils? (May I have a beer?) Een pilsje? (A beer? Lit. “a little beer,” doesn’t refer to size)

For a small glass of beer, use the double diminutive: Mag ik een kleintje pils? (May I have a small beer? Lit. “May I have a small little beer?”)

» Details…

Een kleintje? (A small one?  Lit. “a small little one,” refers to size)

Beer is generally served in small, flowerpot-shaped glasses.  When poured or pumped into these containers, a considerable amount of froth or “head” develops, which is sliced flush with the rim.

The resulting offering shocks European visitors. Germans laugh at the sawn-off “head” and protest the lack of quantity (as usual) while Brits laugh at the lack of quantity and protest the overabundance of “head.”

French and Italians just drink and think romantic thoughts of home, while Americans first eye it with pity then smile at the distinct “liver quiver” that comes with their first chug.
– Source: The Undutchables, page 91

It may be good to know that the ordering custom can and does change from bar to bar. For instance, if you truly want a small beer, in most bars it pays to ask for a ‘vaasje’ (lit. a small vase).

In many bars and pubs when you order a beer without specifying a size, you’ll be served with a pint — or something even larger (and pricier).

By the way, here’s how to visit an Amsterdam café

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