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Safe ways to pee into the canals of Amsterdam

DutchAmsterdam.nl — The vast majority of the 51 people who drowned in the canals of Amsterdam in the past three years did so after they, in an inebriated state, were trying to relieve themselves.

That’s what local news daily De Telegraaf reported earlier this month, stating that only 1 of the victims drowned as the result of a crime.

In response, the Dutch satirical website De Speld has posted a video on YouTube highlighting the safest ways to pee into a canal.

Dutch language only, but you’ll get the picture…

The informercial is a take-off of the type of informative ads posted by Postbus 51 (Post Office Box 51) — an information service operated by the Dutch Government.

How to relieve yourself into a canal without falling in

Among other things the spot says that while peeing the bladder empties in a short time span, causing blood to drain from your brain to your stomach area, which could result in a black-out.

Therefore the makers of the ad advise men attempting to pee into one of the canals of Amsterdam to do so while laying down, and to make sure you are not laying on an incline.

You can also choose to secure yourself to a permanent object. In the film, the actor secures himself to — of all things — a public toilet for men.

Another tip is that the ‘better drinking establishments’ have a ‘pee-pipe’ you can borrow, so that you can pee into the canal while standing at a safe distance.

Finally, if there is no other option, you could ask someone to serve as a ‘pee buddy.’ The film suggests this can either be a friend or a helpful bystander.

Incidentally, peeing into the canals of Amsterdam — or anywhere else in public — is an offense. If caught by the police you will be fined 130 Euro.

Health and Safety in Amsterdam

Australian comedian Steve Hughes explains why Amsterdam’s canals do not have fences.
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This post was last updated: Feb. 3, 2016