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Amsterdam public Transport — according to the undutchables

While The Undutchables could rightly be described as a caricature of the Dutch, certain aspects of Dutch society are described with painful accuracy.

The way we board and exit public transportation, for instance:

Whether you’re waiting for bus, tram, metro or train:

  1. Form a compact mass with the others who are waiting, and do so as soon as the vehicle appears in the distance.  When it arrives, block the doors so the exiting passengers cannot leave. 


    Above all, do not move out of the way when the doors open and the people attempt to get out, as this might speed things up. After all, you wouldn’t want anyone to get ahead of you in the mob.  If, however, you’re a passenger waiting to exit, then you have the right to curse the stupid idiots blocking your way. 


    In some areas, you can only enter the vehicle through assigned doors wher sentries are posted.  Unfortunately, you cannot exit through these doors.  In solving the problem previously described, this solution has merely widened the snarl-up zone to include both the outside and the inside, as passengers frantically try to reach the appropriate door before the vehicle departs.


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  2. In rush hour, there will be enough of you to form an additional blockade.  Stand or slowly stroll so as to prevent those who have managed to exit from hurrying to the stairs or escalator, or to a connecting bus or tram. 


    In this pinball game, you score points each time someone bumps into you or is otherwise inconvenienced and frustrated by you.

– Source: The Undutchables, page 17-18



All kidding aside, these huddles are prime playing grounds for pickpockets.  Make sure you keep an eye on your belongings.

Your wallet and important papers should be in a zipped pocket, preferable in a money belt.

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